This past week has been chaotic, and I apologise for not being able to write more diary posts. I promise everything is well, great even, I just haven’t had time to write. 

Let’s take it from Tuesday: I had a lovely woodland walk and catch-up with Mum. Actually it started with us planning to go to a local park, but Mum disagreed with my (accurate) directions and we missed the turn off, so we ended up going for a walk in the woods instead. Despite that, we had a nice time, and there was no tension between us at all. 

I also told Mum about the interview I had on Wednesday and she is curious about that. It feels good – Mum used to treat my work like a passion project or a hobby, so now that it’s gaining traffic and recognition (and hopefully soon, money), she’s finally sitting up and taking it more seriously. 

So, about Wednesday’s interview: I met B on the Lovehoney Forum. B was looking to make sex more accessible for disabled people, and he shared his email address if people wanted to get in contact with him, despite it being against the forum rules to do so. I knew that technically we weren’t supposed to have any contact away from the forum, but since B was looking for people in my niche (sexually active disabled people), I wanted to reach out to him anyway. 

So I copied down his email before I responded (and before it was deleted), and in my response I pointed out that we weren’t allowed external contact. Again though, just because I had highlighted the rules, didn’t mean I planned to follow them this time. Purely business strategy, you know 😉

As it was B emailed me first through my contact form, so we got chatting anyway. B wanted to interview me last Wednesday to discuss a few concepts he had in mind, that could help people with mobility needs in the bedroom. He wanted my feedback on his ideas. 

For his part B also taught me how to prototype an idea, which will be invaluable advice for if and when I ever get around to conceptualising the idea that I have in mind. It’s not a sex thing, but still. 

B and I plan to have more meetings in the future, as prototypes (and hopefully products) develop. This is why I love doing what I do — it’s not just about sex, it’s about people. 

Thursday, unfortunately, landed with a bit of a bump — I thought we were going to have our fortnightly play session, but Master Levi thought we were having it on the Friday instead. Realising my dashed hopes and not wanting to disappoint me, Master came into the bedroom and told me to put my phone down (keep in mind, dear reader, that by this point I understood it that we wouldn’t be playing this evening!) and started getting his floggers out. That confused me and made me panic: he never normally speaks to me like this. What’s going on?!

So instead of obeying, I resisted him, ruining the night for both of us. We have talked about it since and after I wrote a lengthy journal entry (arguably the right thing to do after a moment like that and when your spouse is at work) in which I explained that the abrupt turnabout with no pretext undoubtedly unsettled me. I also said that a flogging session doesn’t work as a reward for me if I have to wait three weeks to get it — I’d just done a full day of housework, I didn’t want to be whipped!  

Fortunately by the end of Friday, all is good again. Master said he found my journal entry “helpful”, which is exactly what they’re supposed to be. 

So, talking of my submission, I was going to write this in a more private journal but it makes little odds when the man who reads (and delights in reading) such things reads both of them anyway.

Friday night, Valkyries managed to land me deep into my submission. Probably the hardest he’s managed it so far. 

Valkyries was forced to admit that I was right, and I tormented him about it — said that “it must pain you to admit that”. It’s just how we are with one another, and how Master Levi and I are together too. 

Not to be beaten, Valkyries asked if I could see that I’m not the only one who can be right sometimes. Me being on top form, I pointed out that no, I couldn’t (currently) see it — either he hasn’t been right yet, or I need to get my eyes tested. 

I was confident I had this man boxed in. There was nothing he could do to make me flinch now. 

Valkyries said that he had booked me an appointment (to get my eyes tested), so I brushed it off with a “great, I’ll look forward to landing a recent 20/20 (vision) report on the dinner table”. I am untouchable. 

Valkyries said that he can conduct the test. It was that which made me gasp. 

That wasn’t agreed, was my reply. Sure it was weak, but right here, it was the best defence I had.  I didn’t consent to that!

I am vulnerable to these little “moments” by Valkyries and Master Levi, in which they play on those fantasies of mine. I think I know well enough that they wouldn’t go there, but I don’t know-know.

I’m vulnerable to themes of medical roleplay, more generally. It was something I found highly erotic for a time but had come to accept as probably never going to happen; it was something I had accepted as “too weird” for a lot of people. So when a partner does “go there”, my instinct is to try and push them out of it, or simply to not imagine it for myself. It’s my Area 51, if you will — nobody really knows what goes on in there, and nobody needs to know.  

Which, now that I  do think about it, is probably far more fitting than what I intended it to be. Anyway! 

Saturday was fairly chill, with the exception of some typical teasing between Valkyries and I, and the Saturday morning sex between Master Levi and me. Master wants me to edge him for a while, then commands me on top to “ride it out of me”. I’m beginning to think that’s his Saturday morning preference.

I’m still desiring Valkyries after the fact, which seems to be my lived state these days. The pair of them keep me wanting more, even when I think I don’t.

Sunday morning we went through our ethical non-monogamy questionnaire; a biannual review to make sure we’re both comfortable with where things are at. Master doesn’t have another partner in mind right now, but as my relationship with Valkyries progresses, it’s good to know what’s comfortable and what’s not. 

I find different poly relationships have different needs and expectations. For example, in my relationship with W, it was basically “sex or bust”. He also didn’t want to acknowledge Master Levi’s presence in my life, which is a basic reqiurement for us — respect me, respect my marriage, respect my spouse.

With my friend-turned-partner, B, kink mattered more than sex as sex and intimacy was off the table for pretty much the entirety of our relationship. I could serve him and follow his instructions, but we couldn’t touch one another. 

L and I were looking to develop a more full-bodied D/s relationship, though deceit, disrespect and double standards ultimately ended our two-couple polycule. I still think of L and what we had together, but I could never stay with a partner who isn’t willing to protect me or my boundaries. In the end, I had to end our relationship to protect myself. 

Now with Valkyries, I think we’re all three going into this with our eyes wide open for what this could be — a great and lasting friendship and partnership above all else, and hopefully much more still. Both in and out of the bedroom. 

I have to be honest, going into the conversation my expectations were a little bit grim. I expected to be met with an “absolutely not” to the idea of me having sex with anyone other than Master Levi, but I was met instead with an “only in an established relationship”, which pleasantly surprised me. Even barrier-free sex, again — it wasn’t a free-for-all, but it wasn’t a strict “no” either. It has to be in a committed relationship, not with just anyone. 

And I know someone who’ll be delighted to read that. Someone whose big dream is breeding me. 

Sunday night, Valkyries said that he thought I’d be good at the battleships game he plays. He dismisses it again, given I’m “not a gamer.” 

Now, to be clear, there are two kinds of online games in my eyes: the ones with lots of running around and camera angles? No, I can’t play them — I’ll end up feeling motion sick. Strategy games like Worms or Battleships, however? I’ll happily play them if I get the time. Oh, and I enjoy a bit of Roller Coaster Tycoon too. 

I used to play battleships, which should probably be enough of a warning for Valkyries. I’ve played it since too — Valkyries knows I have. 

So when he threw down the gauntlet, I was all too happy to pick it up. If he thought I’d be good at it, then, let’s play. 

Valkyries scrambled to clarify what he meant — he meant we’d be good on the same side, it wasn’t supposed to be a declaration of war. 

I laughed out loud. You know even alliances wargame together sometimes, Sir? 

Valkyries accused me of wanting “bragging rights” by beating him, and I shrugged it off. If it were the other way around — if I went all in and put my submission on the table, just like I did the last time I played — what would he do?  

Would he win quietly and without so much of a whisper about his “prize”? Really? 

No matter, the Admiral doesn’t want to risk a defeat. He doesn’t want to risk me being the one who walks away smiling instead. 

So it’s little wonder he pushed for co-operation over conflict — aircraft carriers might look impressive, but they’re not capable of handling what flies overhead 😉 

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