Before I get into yesterday, in all the sneaky strategy that was my Amazon surprise on Tuesday, I forgot a few other key things that happened. 

First, I knew that my neighbour was outside, and I was still remembering his tormenting/flirting with me the other day. So I decided it was time to deploy my ultimate weapon of man destruction: it was time for pigtails and perfume. 

I opted for low pigtails again, rather than high, intentionally-bratty ones. I wanted it to look casual, not like I was trying too hard.

For perfume, I deployed one spritz of my signature scent, well distributed over the key points – delicate but dangerous.

When I stepped outside, I did the thing a lot of women don’t do: I acted like I was completely unaware of his presence, set on my own to-dos. 

He’s flustered and I smile to myself. 

“Alright, love?” he manages. It’s almost cute. 

Second, I told Valkyries (and Master Levi, for that matter) about the cookie dough M&M’s that I’d brought to try “for science” earlier in the day. Master had already tried them after a colleague bought some, but Valkyries is curious about them. He asks me how they taste. 

So I tell him simply that I haven’t opened them yet, sarcastically adding that “I wasn’t aware I’d signed up to be your guinea pig”. Valkyries replies that “it’s not like I kept secrets”. I gasp.

True, it’s not. I’d walked right into his plan, and now that I have, I’m not sure I want to leave. 

Finally, I was watching TV with Master Levi with my head on his lap, and Master had a text (from his Dad, he told me) to reply to. So, he did.

I carried on watching TV, but I could feel the sound of him typing on his phone by my ear sending me off into a tingly, ASMR-induced, subspace-like state.

 So I sat up, which surprised him. He wondered what was wrong. 

“You’re getting on my nerves, in the nicest possible way” I say. “I’m trying to watch TV, and you tapping on your phone by my ear is making me zone out”. Master laughs. 

“Has someone got the tingles?” he asks and rakes his fingers down my spine, sending a wave of euphoric pleasure crashing through my body. I mewled loudly and promised my revenge. 

And now, onto yesterday.

It was early morning that I asked Master if he was “going to be long” — our very modest, quintessentially British way of asking one another the question we’d rather not ask: a number one or a number two? A pee or a poo? 

Usually, if we’re both bathroom-bound, the one who only needs to “spend a penny” gets to go first. It’s kind of logical. 

I didn’t realise the time. Master laughs. 

“Well yeah, I’m off to work now” he says, “so about… nine hours?”. As sleepy as I am, I afford him a look and he grins and kisses me.

“Love you, see you later” he says, and leaves before I can hand his ass to him. 

“Love you too” I reply, “even if you’re an ass sometimes” I add. 

For Valkyries and I it’s the morning after the night before, and what a night it was. The fun we have and the orgasms we have — even four-hundred miles apart — is incredible. 

We joke about getting back to “saving the world”: we both see ourselves as superheroes of a sort. 

I checked in on the Lovehoney forum, and one member had talked about being fed up with being a Domme. Usually I punch out two or three sentence replies on my phone, but this one needed a longer, more thoughtful reply.

So I jumped on my laptop and typed out a reply, and Valkyries replied not ten minutes later, suggesting that the member might be being topped from the bottom and inviting my opinion. I agreed with his consensus, but disagreed with his view that a submissive should be the one responsible for tidying up after a session. I said that, as both partners are involved, both are responsible for tidying up.

In my BDSM, I clean toys, I recharge the LED tealights in the bedroom and I keep the space generally tidy. But if I happen to miss something, Master Levi will simply clean it up and put it away, without punishing me — he doesn’t feel the need to punish me. 

I’m human, and for him, conserving our relationship is far more important than whether or not I’m a perfectly compliant submissive. Master doesn’t want a perfectly compliant submissive; he enjoys the challenge I bring.

I also told Valkyries that I didn’t appreciate him picking my brain before I’d had caffeine, and for his crimes, I told him to go make me a cup of tea. Valkyries messaged me, privately, and called me up on my audacity — he said that I’d “won” the prize of getting to “count the threads” (a spanking) while I spell “caffeinated” for him. 

Publicly, he said it was a prime example of a submissive topping from the bottom. I laughed out loud and quoted Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades Freed, where, when Christian Grey asks her what he should do about her defying him, Ana responds with “learn to live with it.” 

Alas, let us not forget the ending of Fifty Shades Freed. Just saying, but something topping from the bottom can be a good thing 😉 

Also yesterday, Valkyries suggested that the crack that’s formed in our bathroom wall was the result of me sticking a suction cup dildo to it. I gladly took him up on the challenge; I said that the damage doesn’t match what a suction cup would do. Valkyries argued that there wouldn’t be a ring if the wall was weak, so I asked why I would stick a dildo to the wall surface if there was perfectly good cladding beneath it?

I told Valkyries that if he wanted to “play courtrooms” then I would happily oblige him.

Don’t play courtrooms with someone who’ll gladly fight accusations with evidence, Sir. That’s a fool’s game, and you’re nobody’s fool.

Unfortunately, yesterday wasn’t as productive as the day before: I’d finished my blog work, started doing a few bits around the bedroom… and went down with another random bout of bloating. So I implemented what I now call my anti-bloat trifecta: heat pad, a drink of water, and a couple of Rennie Deflatine. 

The heat pad was an immediate help, and I could feel the sips of water sliding through and getting everything moving. The Deflatine, too, helped to… well… deflate me. Not in an audible way, but in a way that I no longer felt so… inflated. 

I was so comfortable that after twenty minutes with the afformentioned trifecta, I drifted off to sleep. 

So this is what I’m finding now: my body is no longer operating in combat mode, and damn, sometimes my body is tired. As I get my to-do list down and get me back on track, I am finding that I sleep better and I am relaxing more. Right now though, and now that I’ve finally learned how to relax, I am well and truly exhausted.   

As one last thing, I did retire the bedroom robovac last night: it stopped charging and I’ve already replaced the battery once. So I’ve decided that, in future, I will vacuum the bedroom with the upright vacuum myself. No more “saving” the robovac from its bad mood multiple times a night, now I’ll do it myself, and do it well.