Do not mistake my kindness for weakness.

For a time on Wednesday, I wondered if I should just stop writing about my life. My posts are never meant to hurt people, but sometimes they seem to manage it anyway. This was one of those times. 

I picked up a few emails from V, after the end of our friendship. In his last email, V said that it would have been “kinder and fairer” if I warned him that our friendship was on the brink, rather than simply blocking him. 

I respect his opinion, but I politely disagree. 

To me, telling him (again) that “I’m not your Domme” was that “fair” warning. When he then responded with eight messages in just over fifteen minutes — about his experiences of his day in submission and which I hadn’t asked to receive — that was when I felt I had no other option but to “go nuclear”: I had to block him, because my boundaries weren’t being listened to any other way.

Again, I regret that our friendship ended the way it did, though if my boundaries can’t (or won’t) be respected then perhaps it’s best that it did. 

Wednesday evening there’s a knock on the door — Mr C. 

He holds up a parcel that’d been left for me on the doorstep. I laugh. 

“Thank you” I say. Predictably, we began chatting. 

He talks some about his relationship with Freya, the girl he claims to be seeing. He mentions the issues with her mental health that she has, and the people he’s spoken to about their relationship. 

“You’ve been sound as a pound” he says. I laugh again and blush. 

“Thank you, but you know, it’s what I do for work. I help people with their kinks and relationships.”

Mr C claims he has a “limited edition” Pokemon game, that retails for a three-figure sum, and that Freya supposedly wanted to play with.  A quick post-conversation fact check with ChatGPT reveals his relationships and what goes on in them aren’t the only thing Mr C exaggerates about. Who knew? 

I wish I could say that peace reigned supreme in our household after Monday, it didn’t. Right when we thought we were finished fighting, Master said that he “wasn’t sure” what he was going to do about football today. 

“I thought you were giving it up?” I ask. 

“I’m not sure” he replies. It ticks me off and I need some time alone to calm down. 

“Love, please!” he calls after me, “I said I’m not sure. Don’t walk away from me, that’s rude.”

His character assessment of me sends me over the edge into a rage.

“I’m rude? Two weeks ago you cried because I said I missed our date nights, you said you missed them too. I may be rude, Mr S, I may be many things, but one thing I’m not is inconsistent.”

And with that, I closed the bedroom door. 

Come 3AM, we’re both laid awake, neither of us able to sleep. I’m in tears, and Master realises. 

“Why are you crying?” he asks. 

“I just want us to stop fucking fighting” I whisper into the dark. 

“I know” he replies, “me too. This isn’t us.” 

“Except it is right now, and I wish it wasn’t.”

“Again, I know. Me too.”

“So what do we do?”

“I don’t know.”

“A great conversation, thank you” I say. He backhands my ass through the duvet, then wraps me in it and pulls me to him.  

“I know you don’t feel like my number one right now, but you are” he says. I smile weakly. 

“Actions speak louder than words, Wolf, and when you’re living a life without me? I don’t feel the way you want me to. I’m not seeing where ‘we’ fit into your schedule, and I need that.” 

So date night now looks to be more like date day, fortnightly, on a Saturday. I know that I lose him at 10:30PM to Match Of The Day, but such is my life by now. I will steal my husband for a few hours before that happens though. 

Fortunately, Thursday went much better. 

Despite both being tired from our 3AM chat, the want for reconnection hangs in the air between us. Thursday night and after work, he and I wound up back in bed. 

The lights are red and our Kinky Fuckery night playlist plays. Sure, it wasn’t kinky, but it was intense. 

We lay together for a while, naked and a little breathless, chatting, laughing. 

“Well I don’t think it’ll bring about world peace, but I’d like to think our world is a little calmer at least ” I muse. Master nods with a smile.