Furthering his legacy, one day at a time.

β€œHuh”. That was all it took for him to have me scrambling to redeem myself. Huh. 

β€œWhat?” Master asks. Well shit. 

β€œNothing.”

β€œNo… what?”

β€œI was just thinking about Shae’s post.”

β€œAbout…?”. I sigh deeply. I’m not going to get out of this.

β€œThe thoughts and emotions of sucking a man’s cock”. Master grins. 

β€œAnd… what do you think?”

β€œIt’s an interesting thing. Try it and see” I reply, mirroring his grin with a playful smirk of my own. 

I try to move past him, but Master puts me back onto the sofa and interrogates me still further. What I like about it, what I dislike about it, what my thoughts are when sucking cock, and so on. I explain Shae’s own feelings on sucking cock, especially Blake’s.

β€œDo you get bored when you suck cock too?” Master asks. I don’t know that Shae would say she is “bored” of Blake exactly, indifferent maybe.

Still, I know that’s not important here.

β€œI don’t really think about giving a blowjob” I say. There’s a flicker of a smile on his lips β€” I’ve just given him his β€œgotcha” moment. 

β€œI mean, I think about it, obviously” I continue, as though that in any way redeems me from my previous statement and replaces it with a better one. I cringe when I realise the implication.  

β€œNot like that!” I groan. 

β€œI think about sucking cock when I suck cock. Is that what you want me to say?” 

β€œSo you do think about sucking cock” he presses. 

β€œWhen Iβ€˜m sucking cock, yes” I say. I’m defiant now. If I’m going down β€” maybe quite literally β€” then at least I’ll go down swinging.  

β€œIrrelevant” he says with a now-wide grin. I shake my head at him. 

I managed to dodge any β€œrakes” with Sir JGood with my last post, so that was a welcome relief. Sir said that my handling of things in my last post was β€œsensitively written and put”, so I’m glad to see that my standards are meeting expectations there. That’s all I try to be: fair and factual. 

So, there has been a bit of a development these past few days: Sir JGood said on Tuesday that I was at the right stage to become a sex therapist or marriage counsellor. I almost scoffed at that idea at first. Clipboards aren’t really my style, Sir. 

But I also want to expand the business, so I ummed and arred about adding a premium chat client instead. Especially with AI now, when it comes to sex and sexuality, I know a lot of people want a human touch.

So I did some research, but having learned that I would need a degree to become a sex therapist or a marriage counsellor, I put the idea to one side. I’d never afford university!

Psyhology books, paper pad and pencil. Suggests studying psychology.

 

Last night, I helped Sir JGood with some issues. Sir joked that he’s not my case study for my degree, so I told him that I was contemplating whether to call him my β€œsecond favourite patient” (Master, of course, being my first) or whether that has a high chance of coming back and biting me on the ass. Sir suggested a roleplay β€” doctor, nurse and patient β€” and I nab the β€œdoctor” role before this could go very wrong for me. 

Besides, I am the one supposedly going for my degree πŸ˜‰ 

A little later into our conversation, I said to Sir β€œyou know you’re tired when you look in the fridge for the onion marmalade”. Sir said that he β€œprescribed” forty winks and I mewled. Nuh uh. We’re not doing this. Not before sleep. 

So what became a tongue-in-cheek joke became me fighting to keep my grasp on my claimed identity, and Sir pushing still further with some lightly clinical humour. He’s not going to strip me of my power. Nope. Not like this. 

I woke up at 7am after a solid six and a half hours’ sleep. 

Damn it! 

Lunchtime, Mum called up for a chat. Well, not really a chat, more she’d had a thought and wanted to express her appreciation for the way things are. So, when I was a child I was very shy and quiet, I didn’t smile much and I wasn’t a joiner either. Doctors even thought I had muscle weakness such that I couldn’t smile β€” they told Mum I may never smile or laugh. There was some suspicion I may be autistic too, and may never understand what humour was. 

Fast-forward thirty-seven years, my sense of humour has her in side-splitting laughter and she loves my β€œdirty” laugh. I’m loved by many, I get waved to and I always, always wave back. 

β€œWe were told you would struggle to thrive, and you haven’t struggled my girl, you hopped out of the nest fifteen years ago and you bloody soared” she says. 

β€œYou’re unbelievable with how you are and what you do. You have so much warmth, so much passion, so much intelligence. And when you cook…” I chuckle softly. 

β€œAny more, and I’ll have to get my doorways widened” I tease. 

β€œ- and it won’t be because of my tiramisu!” I add. Mum laughs out loud. 

So I got talking to Mum about Sir JGood’s idea, and Mum was fully for it. 

β€œIf you do, you’ll be the first in the family to have gone for a degree” she says. 

Damn, not too much pressure then. 

So I’ve done some research (thankyou, ChatGPT) and I’m hoping to go for the BSc (Hons) Psychology with Counselling, through the Open University, and there are also grants available to help me cover the costs of my further education. I want to keep doing what I do on my blog, but having a degree in psychology (and counselling) behind me is really going to help me be able to offer more tailored, one-to-one support. I want to be here for people, but especially for the kink community, and just as I always have been. 

And, having a degree in psychology would make my father so proud. My love of psychology β€” just like my icy blue eyes, my quick wit and my love for DIY β€” comes from my Dad, himself a social worker by profession. What greater gift can a daddy’s girl give her father β€” posthumously β€” than to excel in the very subject he taught her in?

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

My diugital signature, all rights reserved

12 responses to “Ramble: A Daughter’s Gift”

  1. It’s rare to find a BDSM-informed therapist. You’d be doing the world a major service. Also, about the smiling thing, I had some similar issues when I was a little girl and was tested for learning disabilities and other things. Now, having my own daughter, I see how she imitates me and her father. We smile a lot, and she smiles a lot. My parents, though, never smiled. They were chronically stressed. Children mirror the emotional state of the household.

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    1. I thought that too, but there’s some naunce there: I wouldn’t be a therapist. To become a therapist I would need to become a postgraduate after getting my degree and get a BPS-accredited qualification – as well as do client work in a supervised setting – which might be difficult with my disabilities. However, I can call myself a coach, even right now, and offer my services. Once I have my degree (or at the same time), I could then do a coaching diploma then I’d become “cerified”, but as a coach, rather than a therapist.

      You raise a very interesting point about smiling: my parents too were chronically stressed and they were always arguing over seemingly trivial things. I think a lot of my anxiety and hypersenstivity stemmed from my childhood; I can’t stand shouting even now because my head immediately things shouting = scary, bad things. I had to “unlearn” the way I spoke to people because it wasn’t pleasant, and I didn’t know what boundaries were until after my thirtieth birthday. They mean well and I’m sure they did the best they could with what they had and knew, but it does unfortunately mean that we are left undoing the damage they caused ourselves. Anyway, thank you for your thoughts and thank you for stopping by πŸ™‚

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      1. When I was younger, I used to watch a program here in the U.S. called Starting Over. It was about life coaches helping women in all stages of life who felt stuck. It was amazing! They were, in some ways, even better than therapists, though therapy is science based. The coaches could attend to emotional and spiritual wounds, which therapy often can’t, since there are laws against addressing spiritual issues in that setting. That has always felt like one of the biggest gaps in psychology to me, having had plenty of therapy myself.

        You would actually be much freer in your approach, and it could come quite naturally without all the liability constraints.

        Oh yes, our parents did the best they could with the skills they had for coping with the struggles of their time. Still, someone always ends up being the cycle breaker, and both truths can exist at once. Healing happens when we hold compassion for all involved.

        I can be angry at my mother and father and still see them as human and be grateful for the trials they endured. After all, they made us who we are, and you are a good person, and so am I. We can acknowledge how we were affected without hating anyone. We will always love our parents, and that is our right as their children. Nothing can ever take that away.

        I may not speak to my father now, but I hope for his healing, and I know he did his best. I pray for him. And it is okay not to let someone who hurt me be close to me now.

        I love the candidness of your blog, and I could see you using that gift to help others, especially those dealing with shame about their desires or curiosity. It is not just fantasy. It is human, and it is healing. I really could see that and more unfolding for you.

        I read your blog because it reminds me of a time when I was in a poly dynamic, the good times more than the rough ones. I also live with disabilities, and it is very healing to see you have two men who adore you, taking care of you as you care for them.

        Wishing you all the best. πŸ’›

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      2. One of my penpals, F from Iran, noted that my approach is more holistic than clinical too, so yes, it seems that going the coaching route – rather than the therapist route – would be right for me. I really like the idea of being able to take a more, well, whole-bodied approach, rather than focusing on what might be “wrong” with someone. Plus, I think different words carry different feelings: when people see “therapist”, they might think “I’m seeing a therapist because there is something wrong with me”. If they see “coach”, the thinking might be “this person can teach me things about something I want to understand”. It’s more positive, and that can lead to better outcomes in some cases.

        Oh absolutely, and interestingly it was my father’s breaking the cycle and not abusing us the way his father abused him that led to me having the courage to break the cycle and not abuse others the way my mother abused me. I’m not saying she was bad – she tried her best and life was sometimes very stressful for her – but her methods weren’t great and she often refused help when it was offered, and some might say that made her a “bad” mother. Like you say, she’s still not perfect now, but I don’t wish her to be punished. I can set my distances to protect myself witout wanting her punished, or using them as a means to punish her. The quiet spells are not about that for me; they’re about protecting my own mental health and emotional energy.

        Thank you, I really hope so too. That’s actually a conversation I wind up having with a lot of people, particularly new penpals: I don’t write erotica, I live it. I mean, I’ve dabbled with erotica before, but to be completely honest, if it wasn’t for the popularity of “Meet & Eat” I’d say I probably don’t have it in me. Compassion and helpfulness are what I was meant to do. They’re what I do do. Usually, when I’m not being a brat πŸ˜‰

        I’m glad to hear my blog can be a reminder of better times for you. Unfortunately poly is very delicate in that if one card falls, they all fall down. It’s lovely, but it takes putting a lot of trust in other people and not everyone can do that, or can be trusted indeed.

        Thank you again for stopping by πŸ’™

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  2. I look forward to being able to say Good Morning Dr E.

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  3. I look forward to being able to say Good Morning Dr E.

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    1. Except I won’t be a doctor. Although for you, my second favourite patient… 😜

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  4. Wow! What a plan – go for it!

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    1. Thankyou kind Sir, I certainly plan to!

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  5. I hope the plan takes you far!

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  6. […] still kind of still dumbstruck about this one. If you missed the post, Mister Valkyries suggested that I become a sex therapist or a marriage councillor and I brushed […]

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