Before I get too into today’s post, there’s a little bit of a back log here. Sunday night I was up discussing local hotels and B&B’s with Valkyries: Sir had said that he was looking for places to stay while he visited some of the places he wants to go so, knowing that Bristol is very much on Sir’s wishlist, I started browsing some of the nicer places around town. 

Sir had one specific want — a big bathroom. No question about that, I fully understand the desire for a little luxury in life. 

So I started browsing around, looking for places that have walk-in or separate showers, particularly ones that would accommodate two people. I’m not inviting myself exactly: Sir puts accommodations to me for consideration, so I sort of know what he’s hinting at. 

What does confuse me though is that Sir hints at some self-contained properties — self-catering holiday bungalows, rather than hotels & B&B’s. Again I’m not against the idea — I’ve nearly always stayed in self-catering accommodation, rather than hotels or B&B’s — but I am at least a bit confused as to why he wants to play House so soon. 

What becomes apparent is that Valkyries — unlike W — never imagined he and I running off together — he imagined the three of us, together. W wanted to “cowboy” me — he imagined stealing me from Master Levi. N, similarly I felt, also tried to get between Master and me — she envied the relationship that I have with him so much so that she tried to push me out of the picture, falsely believing that she could do what I do. 

Valkyries doesn’t want that though. He doesn’t imagine our life, without my husband in it.

For him, it’s obvious. For me, or rather for us, what should be obvious is something we’ve both had to fight for at one time. It’s almost too new to us to have someone in our lives who doesn’t get envious about our primary relationship.

It feels like there should be conflict between us, except there’s not. There’s really not.

Yesterday, Valkyries mentioned “training” again to me, after I hinted that I might “train” myself out of napping after an orgasm. For Master Levi and me it’s a kind of custom — fuck one another senseless, cuddle and snooze for twenty minutes, then get up, clean up and carry on. 

Valkyries said I was “a little spicy” the last time any kind of “training” was mentioned. I still am spicy about what some call “training”.

To me, “training” implies something is not good enough. It’s not that I believe I’m perfect — our Good Lord knows I’m not — but the idea of training, to me, implies that I’m not good enough to be loved exactly as I am. It’s like saying “I love you, now change for me.” 

Which is… actually a shitty thing to say to someone you “love”, when you think about it. 

The only time “training” works is if the submissive partner wants to change any part of themselves to please the Dominant, but too many don’t get to hear what “training” really means. Too many sadly wind up in unhealthy power dynamics where the submissive is genuinely in fear of the Dominant, and believe — and largely thanks to modern pop culture — that that’s just what they should be. That’s just what submission is.  . 

I certainly don’t fear either of my Dominants, and they would both move heaven and earth to correct it if I felt I was afraid of either of them. 

So this is why I struggle with the idea of “training”. Maybe we can call it something else instead? Something less power-centric. Behaviour modification? Self-improvement? Regardless, again, they have to be things that the submissive wants to change to make themselves in order to make themselves more pleasing to the Dominant, not things a Dominant wants to change about a submissive in order to make them more “pleasing” to them, and that the submissive partner does not. 

And in my relationship with Master Levi at least, we do have things I have to do in order to please him: eating breakfast and lunch, drinking at least a litre of water a day, looking after myself, working hard and maintaining our home, but also making time to relax. It’s arguably still “slave training”, but we’ve never called it that — we just called it him caring about me, and me wanting to make him happy. I know, I know. How very submissive of me! 

What’s not a rule, though, is not being cheeky — it’s not against our rules for me to be bratty to him. So many well-meaning Dominants have got their shorts in a twist when they realise that Master does not punish me for being a bit of a smartass. If anything, he actually likes that quality about me 

Yes, he absolutely will whack my ass for it from time to time, but it’s funishment, not a punishment. More often than not I get “the look”, and I just know that I should shut up and enjoy sitting down while I still can!

So last night, and still reluctant but at least open to his thoughts on it, I asked Master Levi what he thought of the idea of “training” me. Did he have any ideas or skills he wanted to “train” me in? 

Master snort-laughs and I look to him. He’s got a shit-faced grin about him as he gets ready for football. 

“No, I can’t say that. That’s rude” he says. 

“Out with it” I say, “we’re having an honest conversation here.”

“I was just thinking,” he begins, he steps over to me and places a thumb on my lower lip, “I know one skillset you don’t need any training in.” I give him a playful swat on the upper thigh. 

“That’s rude!” I chide, though even I’m laughing now too.

“I said it was!” comes the reply. 

“Listen, I have a very particular set of skills…” I say in my best Liam Neeson voice. Master roars with laughter, he even has to stop searching for his kit for a moment and recompose himself. Now I’m the one who is grinning. 

“Ah, gees!” he says, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

“No, but seriously, I can’t think of anything. We’ve never done that whole ‘training’ thing, we just talk and negotiate what works for us and what doesn’t.”

So I’m still exactly what my Master wants me to be, even if I’ve never been formally “trained” by him 😉