Side-eye engaged. Safety off.

Wednesday afternoon sees a joke between Valkyries and me fall momentarily flat.

It happened after I made a joke about cooties, a serious (but not really) matter in my relationship with Master Levi. Master and I often joke that the other has cooties (eww!), and we playfully wrinkle our noses at one another when we do. For us, it’s just one of those silly little inside jokes that couples have when they’re in love. 

So I was kind of testing just how silly I can be with this man. Can I be my silly self with Valkyries, or does my silly side bring him out in rashes? 

Valkyries is not against my silly side, but he does joke that he’s developed a natural immunity to cooties in the same way milk maids developed a natural immunity to cow pox (by being routinely exposed to cows). Comparing women to cows was perhaps not his finest move, sure, but I shall spare him this time. 

Unfortunately, though, this little flex of his does bring about a very real discomfort in me. Not “the ick” exactly, more discernment than actual disgust. He knows I’m unimpressed by this.

Valkyries has a past, and I have one too, albeit in slightly different places. Whereas I was bound, spanked and flogged by a handful of Dominants between 2007-2008, Valkyries has recounted more intimate acts from his past at swinging events. I’ve never felt the need to brag to him (or anyone) about my past though. I mean, there are reasons that the Dominants of my past are not my Dominants now. 

But if we’re going to brag about our pasts then at least five men (both of my male subs, plus other partners) have tried to come back to me, and one (of my subs) even told me plainly that I’m unforgettable. One (we’ll make that two) of the men in my life now absolutely hates when I’m pissed off at him, so you know, maybe that’s just it: 

It’s not about how many partners you can get, it’s about how many you can keep.

There’s another man in my life who likes to brag to me: Mr C. His bragging doesn’t invoke jealousy from me either; it too begets my wry amusement instead.

If he’s so successful with women, why does he feel the need to perform his “success” to me? 

Real confidence doesn’t shout. It doesn’t need to 😉

I rejoined the Slowly network on Wednesday too. I’d sort of joked about it with Valkyries, yet in truth, I realised that I actually kind of missed it. For me it’s another place to get my name out there, whilst making international friends (and potential business partners!) at the same time. I’ve selected that I can only accept and respond to short letters though, so that I’m not overcommitting myself. Let the adventure begin! 

Wednesday evening saw more antics. I didn’t have sex in mind, but when he came home from work, it was all too obvious that Master did. He places his thumb on my lips and I instinctively take him into my mouth. 

“Good girl” he says, “now don’t distract me. We have to have dinner first.”

Dinner eaten, Master turns his attention to me once more.

“I thought you said I wasn’t allowed to distract you?” I tease.“Don’t you have a football team to manage?” I ask, nodding towards the paused game on his laptop. 

“That can wait” he says, and closes down the lid. 

Master enjoys sex on the sofa: he enjoys blowjobs there and he enjoys being ridden there. He enjoys slow, leisurely handjobs and he enjoys it when I lie back and let him feast on my sweet intimate flesh. I’m even beginning to think that, between the bed and the sofa, Master enjoys having sex on the sofa more. I’m also beginning to think that, if we ever do explore ethical non-monogamy in the flesh, the living room might just be where it happens the first time. 

I was instructed to buy a waterproof blanket to protect the sofa from “spills”. Master also wants lube bought for the lounge, which initially confuses me. I cock my head at him.

“Friction on wood causes fire” he says, indicating down at his hard cock. I gasp, cursing myself under my breath for having not thought of that before.  

“No further questions” I say. 

I do wish I’d left it longer between dinner and sex though, because Wednesday night I was violently ill. Sofa sex was and is still fun, but there’s definitely a reason you don’t do vigorous exercise right after food! 

Fortunately, it only lasted the night.

Thursday saw things more or less back to normal between Valkyries and me; back to him trying to annoy the pants off me (he wishes!). I keep him firmly in my crosshairs, though I still haven’t opened fire quite yet. If nothing else then he is quite fun to play with, even if he is a bit enigmatic sometimes. 

Valkyries quotes the old “with me, without me” line from Knight & Day and I roll my eyes. Maybe sometimes I wish it weren’t true; I could go back to a life absent of confusion and funny feelings and that would be quite fine by me. Can I shoot him yet? 

It was never even supposed to be this way: after a string of poly heartbreaks we’d said “never again”; it was just going to be Master Levi and me from here on out. Except, when I told Valkyries that getting close to me would be “mission impossible”, he didn’t say “understood”. Instead, he said “how sure are you?”. 

Valkyries isn’t afraid — he stares down the barrel of my cocked gun and he trusts that I won’t fire. That kind of confidence, perhaps, is the most dangerous kind of all. 

I have already made two new pen pals, notably “DD”, a British app developer who also shares my interest in kink. There are interesting and fun ideas in the pipeline already between us and I thoroughly look forward to future discussions with him about them, and our future conversations in general.  

So I suppose that leaves me with the developments and recent explorations of the past 24 hours. I purchased a metal butt plug set from Amazon, because I wasn’t completely sold that anal play isn’t for me. The plug that came in our Lovehoney advent calendar is the wrong shape and size for me, but if I could find something with adifferent shape (and a smaller size), maybe I could have some luck. 

So I did, and last night, I explored the smallest of the three plugs, alone and in the comfort of my own time and pace. I was nervous, but I trusted that I wanted to do this: I really wanted to violate myself again. Why do we do this to ourselves?! 

I still can’t say that anal play really does anything for me — no mystery anal O’s to write home about — but it does feel “naughty”, and that alone makes me really, really fucking horny. I wanted to be taken, hard over the sofa last night — with my plug in place. 

Metal plugs are still a no-no for me on the whole, but that had more to do with the unforgiving nature of the flared metal base digging into my ass cheeks than it has to do with the plug itself. I’ve already invested in a more comfortable and forgiving silicone set with a curved base, so that I can at least be comfortably full in future.. 

So, my final verdict on anal play? Let’s just say it’s under review.