Her heart is soft, her spine is not.

I’m hoping to make this my last Bad Girl Diaries post now, until Wednesday. Christmas has happened, my father-in-law has been (sort of) dealt with, positions clarified and a new King crowned. Surely not much more can happen in that time?

Sex did happen yesterday, eventually. I think we both woke up in the mood, I placed a worshipful kiss on Master’s hard cock, then the dog woke up and whined. Cue a collective hard sigh.  

“Maybe later” I said. 

So yesterday was instead a day of housework and exercising the dog. I think the poor thing ran an extra three miles, delivered purely out of blue-balled spite. 

Evening come and Huxley settled in his crate again, Master turned his attention back to me. 

“Late enough?” he asks, pressing me to the wall. 

“Depends who’s asking” I reply. 

Master has a way that he likes me sometimes: naked, flat on my back with my arms above my head. I’ve learned to be this way for him and not to question the “why?”, just accept that it is so. 

Post-sex he is, needless to say, a much calmer, happier man. He’s not abrupt anymore; he’s chattier and chill once again. It’s amazing what happens to a man when you drain his balls for him. 

So I am behind on Saturday’s post, but I am catching up. I have been, and as I said to Master, “a little bit dick-stracted.”

Last night and post-sex, while we tucked into pork sausages, mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables (and during which my dearly beloved couldn’t help but make a comment about a sausage not being the first long and meaty thing to pass my lips that evening), we watched Top Gun. My husband made a faux pas though, and called it Top Gear instead. 

Suffice to say, I wasn’t going to let him hear the end of that one. All is fair.

While we watched, I couldn’t help but provoke Valkyries. Nothing major, just a quick “buzz” in military terms. Just enough to make clear that I wasn’t going soft in my old age, or that he was cleared for landing quite yet. 

Valkyries said that I have my “King of land” (Master likes playing battle games) and “King of sea and air” (Valkyries plays battleships). He said that I, Elena — a variant of “Helen” — “launched a thousand ships”. I claimed air superiority and told Valkyries that nobody fights my battles for me; I fight my wars myself. 

We can take on the world together, Valkyries, but you will not fight my fights for me. 

In a way, the role of “air support” in this little “military” of ours suits me to a tee: I’m not afraid of danger and I can be very tactical, I also support both of my Kings, quite literally. 

I did roll my eyes, though, when Master looked at me after some quip from instructor Charlotte Blackwood (played by Kelly McGillis).

“Don’t say anything” I warn. He grins. 

As it was I had a rough night, “stupid” in its own way: I couldn’t discern for myself whether Valkyries was really serious about his “harem” of  “Valkyrie” women, or whether it was all just a joke gone too far. 

Valkyries had started winding me up about his thirteen “Valkyries”, and I felt myself pull back. I had no problem if that was what he wanted for himself, but I couldn’t — wouldn’t — be a part of it if it was. 

I think Valkyries noticed my shift, too.

I’ve been “collected” before, and it’s not nice. I’m fine with partners who have other partners, but I’m not fine with people who are constantly on the look out for more. When my “partner” has an ever-growing constellation of other partners, I start asking questions: no way does anybody have that much love to give!

I’m someone who does have a lot of love to give, but I love with all my heart in a few, intimate relationships. I only ask for the same in return.  

But what if I’m pulling back over some dumb joke?

That I just didn’t know, and I couldn’t ask — what if I’M the one being “dumb”? 

To be fair, it wouldn’t be the first time that a boy has thrown me with one of their “dumb” jokes: there was a time that Master Levi went out with a few friends, per chance wound up in a gay bar, and joked to me about being gay. I think he thought I would be in on the joke, but we hardly knew one another back then and so I really believed that he might actually be gay.

So I pulled back from him too, because if he was really gay then I wasn’t going to keep pursuing him. I’m not like that — I don’t believe you can “convert” someone who doesn’t want to be converted, neither should you try. 

Now I know though, and now that I know, I roast him and his best friend with abandon. He had to learn the hard truth — he may laugh at me, but the last laugh is always mine. 

And when I thought about that, I realised that maybe I was “just being dumb”, and realising that only made it all worse. I know I should probably trust Valkyries more, but trust is so damn hard when your heart has been shattered several times before —you start believing all the wrong things instead! 

Yes, it was me who dubbed Valkyries “Mister Valkyries”, but it was never supposed to be about the “thirteen warrior women” thing. I’d sent him a screenshot of my music player playing the “Mission: Impossible” theme — as in, “this is how much chance you have of getting close to me” — and Valkyries told me that I might like to try Wagner’s “Ride Of The Valkyries” instead. So I dubbed him “Mister Valkyries” as a taunt; a kind of “cool story, bro”, and nothing more.  

So, we just won’t talk about his recent coronation. 

I did tell Valkyries that he doesn’t play fair; he had his eyes on the prize right from the start. Valkyries said “that sounds like a you problem”, which is fine, because this “Warrior Queen” will be his problem for sure. That said, and for Valkyries, I’m sure that’s a nice problem to have. 

I have had some sad news today, to conclude this post: the Odeon cinema here in Bristol is relocating. It’s not sad in a way because “relocating” is not the same as “closing down”, but my relationship with Master Levi has its foundations with the establishment at its current location. It’s where we used to go to watch movies as friends, it’s where we went when we both realised that the relationships that we were in were not the relationship that we wanted to be in, and it’s where Levi asked me if I “still had thoughts of us”, to which I gave him a noncommittal “maybe”, and to which he said “I’ve been having those thoughts too”. Two months later, we were formally in a relationship of our own. 

Yes, I still have the torn Hot Fuzz ticket from the first-ever movie that we watched together at that cinema. It’s pretty faded, but it’s still there. 

Me? A hopeless romantic? Nah 😉 

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Until next time!

Stau safe & have fun,

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