This past week (and a bit) has been eventful to say the very least. I suppose really it started Saturday morning, 31st May – when I woke up, I could hear a sound in my right ear that sounded like a bell, and when I sat up, it got faster. So I could hear a bell that matched my heartbeat, which was really confusing, but my focus on it seemed to shift eventually. Huh, weird. 

That “bell” went away eventually, but in it’s place was a mild pain, nausea, stuffiness and a sound like I was underwater in one ear and a humming in the other. Yup, she’s been and got herself a bilateral ear infection. 

It was my own fault in a way, and really I deserve no sympathy: I fell asleep with my earphones in. I like my earbuds a little deeper because it sort of kind of gets the brain-fucking of my favourite ASMR videos that little bit deeper. No, I’m not playing that stuff out loud – Master finds my ability to deep sleep to crinkles and whispering weird enough!

I’m not laying out all of my ASMR triggers either. Leaving myself open and vulnerable like that? Pft, you must take me for a fool 😉 

Master has enjoyed winding me up enough about this one though, about how I’m going to have to let a real doctor close to me to examine me if I want to get better. He knows it’s a bugbear for me, and it’s a bugbear because it’s something I’d rather not have to endure. It’s a bit like awkward erections and orgasms during examination, okay? Awkward tingles are also a thing, and when I tingle too much, I tend to go really gooey and submissive. So you know, it’s just better for everyone if I don’t 😉 

Also this week, I’ve had a family emergency. I had a call from my Mum in a panic, from the emergency department. The way she sounded at first sounded like something bad had come of my brother: she asked me if I was sat down and told her that “the nurses are telling me nothing”. All kind of thoughts went through my head: “what the fuck is going on? Is (brother’s name) okay?”

“No, Elena, it’s me. It’s for me” she said through her tears. Shit. 

I don’t know why, I love my mother dearly, but it never occurred to me that she might be in the emergency department because of her. Mum’s made of tough stuff. Like mother like daughter in that regard.

My baby brother, though? That’s what my nightmares are made out of. 

When I arrived, I learned that she’d been called back to the emergency department after a scheduled MRI scan. The last time a family member had a “bad” scan result was in the weeks before my father was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a blood cancer, so we were understandably all very scared. The emergency department hadn’t yet received the message to expect her either, so that led to even more of a palaver. About an hour and a half later, Mum was eventually seen. 

It turns out, there was a panic and not. Mum has compression on her spine, caused by a herniated disc, and if her condition suddenly worsens, she could wind up paralysed from the waist down. So basically, because of that risk, if her condition had worsened since she last saw her physiotherapist, they would have operated that same night. 

Fortunately  it hasn’t, and Mum is now home with some very stern instructions on what she can and can’t do whilst she waits for surgery. So my family is now preparing for this future surgery, and since whilst the surgery may only take 1-3 hours, her recovery could take anything from several months to several years. That will, of course, have an impact on my blog, and I may have to revert to only posting once a week whilst I care for her.

So I suppose that leaves me with only one to mention, and that’s my friendship with Sir JGood. Sir called me out the other day in that I’d miss him if he wasn’t around to torment me, but really, I think that cuts both ways – he’d also miss me if I was no longer around to torment him 😉

There were discussions had about our ethical non-monogamy too, and how we fit into one another’s lives. I think we’re both aware of this precarious situation because we both have promises to keep, and yet, there’s no denying that we’ve formed an unintentional, unmistakable connection – we are “simpatico” as we often call it.

Sir has been making me suffer this week, though mostly through terrible Dad jokes. I don’t mind it, they’re nothing I can’t handle. They get a groan sometimes and an eyeroll on others, I haven’t needed a safeword yet though. So sad, too bad, nevermind 😝

But perhaps the biggest highlight of our conversations this week have been our conversations about faith. In some way, Sir has returned me to that which I once ran from. 

Allow me to take you back to my five-year-old self: sat in a congregation while the organ played, I began questioning my faith. My question as a youngster was quite simple: if nobody has ever seen God, how do we know that he exists?

I never did get my answer, instead I was told to shut up and pray, and because of that, I stopped believing at all. After all, why would I believe in someone or something that I had never seen?

One of the most prestigious in our Church was arrested for child cruelty too, yet it was the child who reported her, not the perpetrator herself, who was expelled from the Church. I questioned the Church strongly after that – where was the logic in this, and what would “God” have to say?  

As I aged, I saw myself further and further from the Church. I saw myself as better than the Church. I judged others, even if I knew I shouldn’t, even if I knew it wasn’t my right to judge other people. I lived in sin, because now I knew others sinned too. I did and enjoyed things I knew the Church wouldn’t approve of, or at least so I believed. 

The conversation came about with me tormenting Sir JGood for his perceived “goodness” in being a Christian man. Sir called me on it, and rightfully so, but that led to me opening up about where this was really coming from.

This wasn’t about him at all. This was really about me and the judgements that I was holding over myself.

Sir helped me examine my beliefs and find reconnection with my faith. He explained that the Bible is full of polyamory and that I shouldn’t feel judged by God because of the life I choose to live. I still have a long way to go, much to read and much, much more to explore. I purchased “The Bible For Dummies” last night, which isn’t so much a nod to my perceived lack of intelligence as it is my preference for information. I don’t like to guess, I like to know.

So this is where I’m at, returning to my faith, at least of sorts. Perhaps not with all the answers, but with a rekindled curiosity and a new openness to learn. 

That’s it from me for this post! How has your week been? What exciting things have you been up to? Give this post a like, share, or leave a comment below. Alternatively, click here for more My Week In Review posts!

Until next time!

Stay safe & have fun,

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